"Happy Hobo Day" is the now annual greeting for May 25th! Well, it should be! Panhandling was the name of this day's game and I was really exited at first. I had my sign all made up "Turning 30 need money for balloons", Doc's old camo jacket and I hadnt washed my hair in over a week - note, that last part was not for the day's challenge, that's just normal for my life!
I actually decided that Hobo Day deserved clean hair, so I got into the shower and cleansed myself off with all the awesome practically free shit I had gotten the day before during my extreme couponing binge, slapped on a little makeup so I looked like a put together hobo that just needed a break for balloons!
I had no idea where to go but as the time grew closer I got more and more nervious. I did not want to go downtown for fear of getting into a hobo fight and having to go all ninja on a homeless toothless flea infected fabreeze needing vagrant. The thought of bringing fabreeze to the masses did strike me as pleasant and mother teresa-ish but if I am going to fabreeze anyone its going to be those worthless dirty fucking hippies on Hawthorn, stinkin up a rather delightful area of town. Thats right hippies, I am talking to you - I might have greasy hair and not wear a bra everyday but that is in the privacy of my own damn home and not in a busy shopping district! I also dont have ONE disgusting dreadlock filled with elmers glue, honey, and bugs. You disgust me and I will fabreeze you you dirty sonsofbitches!!! - wow, sorry for the rant.. back to the point, I did not want to move in on anyone's territory so I knew that I was going to get a crappy corner (insert prostitute joke of your choosing here).
Did you know: "Oregon has the highest proportion of homeless people in the nation, according to a new report on homelessness issued by the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development." - Portland Tribune, click here to read full article.
I started to have second thoughts as we drove toward the freeway in Troutdale. I knew I wanted to find a safe place where Doc could be near by in the car - just in case - and I started to care less and less about how much money I was going to rack in. We found a spot just off the highway at a stop light adjacent to an empty parking lot for Doc to park in. I got my sign out and walked over to the corner.
Slowly and reluctantly I raised my sign. The humor in this challenge quickly morphed into humiliation as I stood there with my sign, unable to meet the eye of any passing drivers as they were visibly uncomfortable by my presence. The light turned red and for 30-40 seconds an array of vehicles were stopped, trying not to look at me and trying to decide if my sign was a joke or if I was just a funny - well put together - bum. Most that did look at me decided that I was an asshole either way and glared at me. The first glare I got threw me into a hysterical fit of laughter. I had to hold up the sign to hide my face and after that I became increasingly more humiliated and uncomfortable. After 5-7 full minutes I had had enough and was calling this challenge quits!! I ran back to Doc who had been filming me and crying with laughter the entire time.
So, in the end I walked away with zero funds and a platter full of appreciation for my life and all that I am fortunate enough to have, not just material things but the emotional and mental support from my friends and family and a big dose of humility. So next time you're driving by someone on the side of the road with a legitimate sign and need for help, know that standing there silently asking is not easy and that every little bit of kindness you can offer up will help!
CLICK HERE TO GO TO DAY 27
1 comment:
You'd make a terrible hobo - which is a shame, since you are so well-versed in the art of not showering.
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