Bits of Melissa: 30 things in 30 days for 30 years

Day 9 of the 30/30/30 challenge - Golfing

When we were kids my dad went golfing on a semi-regular basis and on the rare occasion he would take my brother and/or I with him. We would get to ride in the cart and sometimes drive it while he played 18 holes with his friends. That all ended one sunny afternoon when my brother was playing a game of his own he liked to call "lets rally the shit out of the golf cart", the game came to an abrupt end when he got the golf cart high centered atop a large decorative boulder. My dad and his friend had to physically lift the cart off the rock. Cart driving for us kids was frowned upon after that.

I hadn't actually golfed myself unless you count put put golf, which I don't, and I doubt "real" golfers do either. Doc and I headed to Sah-Hah-Lee Golf Course in Clackamas, a quick jaunt from Dad's house were we dropped Ana off for a few hours to play with her grandparents while we got our swing on. Sah-Hah-Lee offers an array of golfing activities including a full 18 hole par 3 course, a driving range, club rentals, a putting practice area, and lessons galore. We opted for 9 holes.

The sweet husband that Doc is got me a great set of rentals and a bag carrier so I didn't have to lug the bag around the course. I guess technically that may be part of the experience but I was grateful for the cart the next day when every bit of my body hurt as it was! We headed out to the first hole, Doc went first to show me the ropes. I got up to what I fondly called the launch site because in my head when I played this moment I was going to grip it and rip it and the ball was going to soaring out onto the fairway and the crowd would erupt with cheers! I put my tee in the ground placed the ball delicately on it, bent my knees, stuck my ass out like Beyonce, and gripped that club tight like I was ringin the neck of a turkey, duck, or chicken - maybe perpare a tuducken dinner should be on my list - I looked out at the flag on the greens waaaaaaay out yonder, lined up me feet parallel with the flag, pulled my club back, back, back, and swung - miss! lined everything up again and swung - miss! Swung - miss! Swung - miss! "MOTHER FUCKER I HATE YOU GOLF YOU SONAVABITCH JUST GO ALREADY SHIT!!!!!" I said like a lady. Doc at this point was rolling on the ground laughing, no longer able to contain himself. I think at this point the golf gods were thinking "well, if we dont let her hit it someone might get hurt". Swing - HIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Unfortunately it wasn't the cheer inducing thunder cracking kind of moment I imagined would happened, it was more of a Charlie Brown waawaa type satisfaction.

We hiked over to our balls, mine a short stroll, and hit the ball again and again taking baby steps toward the green which included a nice stint in the sand pit, once on the green and I got the putter in my hand I sank the ball with the first stroke. However, getting to the green took 11 shots, giving me 12 on my first par 3 golfing experience. So yeah, I think we can say that I annihilated the par 3 expectation! Each hole after that I got progressively better, putting was really my hidden skill and I was able to pull off some impressive ball sinking shots but the process of getting to the putting greens was a bloody mess. My best being 6 shots from tee off to getting that damn ball in the hole. At the end of the day I walked away from the 9 holes with only a 41 handicap! That is also not counting the endless cheats and do-overs I may or may not have done while Doc may or may not have been looking. LOL

"Grip it and Rip it" was the motto of the day, yelling it like my warrior banshee cry before swinging big and inevitably missing ten times before making contact! We had a total blast! Golfing is not only great exercise but a fantastic date night that I completely recommend. Doc and I really enjoyed it, laughing almost the entire time and when we weren't laughing at ourselves we were laughing at each other. I yelled "FOUR!!!!" a few times just to watch other people on the course duck with fear, we ended up letting three different groups 'play through' since we (I) were so slow. And the best part about Sah-Hah-Lee was that we (I) were not alone with our shouts of obscenities "FUCK!!!!!!!!" and "SHIT!!!" were yelled throughout the course from players of all skill sets. I guess golf isn't a gentlemen sport after all, that or I dirtied it up - well me and Tiger anyway.

Next time we go to Sha-Hah-Lee - and we definitely will what with babysitters practically across the street, its only a 25 minute drive from our house, and the fun we had demands repeating - I think I might do a few buckets at the driving range first since only once did I smack the ball and get it into the air when teeing off, the rest were growlers just rolling across the lawn as if not in any hurry whatsoever and just enjoying the scenery. Speaking of, the scenery is amazing. The course runs along the Clackamas River so many holes have spectacular views of the water as you practically tee off from the banks.

Special thanks to Tiger, without you getting the golf world a little dirty I may not have found it as much fun!

Getting read to let the big dogs fly!